I'm Back

I am glad to be with the blogging community once more with this blog. I haven't had any comments, but that is okay. I will still write. I am at a point now in my journey that I hunger to hear the voice of God on a daily basis for all the things in my life. I want to pray in the Spirit. I want everyone at the Goddard school to be saved. I want more of His presence. I want things that only God can accomplish. And He will. I talked with my younger brother Paul this past Sunday and we talked about our Dad and the changes he's going through. All the pain he caused the family in the past is healed in me and seems to be in Paul, too. I love my Dad more now than when I was home. I can love him without condition through the healing love of Jesus. This is one of the greatest things that have happened in my soul. Forgiving my parents and loving them with God's love. I believe God will heal all six of us. I believe He will heal and save all of my extended family. This is work only He can do. Hallelujah! I praise His Name forever and ever. Amen.

Flying Over the Edge

At the first small group meeting in Living Waters, I had a picture to share. I was standing on the ledge of a cliff, looking out over the vast emptiness of space. I was contemplating whether to jump and trust that I would fly or go back and never find out. What did this mean? I was faced with taking my writing to another level and I was full of fear. I feared rejection of me and the things I had written. I had little confidence that anyone would like the writings. Yet something was pulling me away from my comfort zone and begging me to soar. After a few months I was ready to jump and trust God to hold me up and make me soar. I could picture myself flying, soaring into a place where no fear could paralyze me.This was years ago and I now have a book published that folks have bought and enjoyed. I'm teaching a workshop and facilitating a writer's group. But the soaring has not ended with this. I am destined for greatness, according to my Father. He has called me higher. Doubts poke at me. I question the value of my writings and if I'm doing a good job with workshop and group. Malcolm and I also lead a cell group. I'm definitely in a new place now and it's scary sometimes. But there is no fear in the Kingdom of God so I cannot live in it and serve God. I go back to where I started, my eyes on Jesus and my heart in His Word. He tells me that "they who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;" Isaiah 40. He has eradicated that fear and given me wings!
My confidence rests securely deep in the heart of my Savior. I have no other strength.

The Power of Love

When Jesus told me He loved me and that nothing could separate me from His love, He spoke right to my heart and for the first time in years, I believed it. This rocks my world. It's a source of healing I come back to when I feel rejected, lonely, or any other emotion from the old days of abandonment issues. It can be over the smallest thing, but I still need to be reminded by the Spirit how much He loves me and nothing could ever change that. I find my center in Jesus so I have the strength to walk through the most difficult circumstances. No matter how hard the enemy hits me, I have the greatest defense: God loves me. End of story. I fail, but I'm not a failure. I matter. I always have. These are the deep assurances of divine love.

Correction: Jesus is my BFF!

I discovered I got the initials wrong on the last blog, but the thought is still the same. What does it mean, Jesus is my best Friend? It means there is no one else who fills my heart's needs to the overflowing. There is no one else who could have possibly died for my sins and made me fit for heaven. There is no one else who loves me thoroughly, unconditionally, and eternally. I have no doubts about His love, even when things get bleak or rough. I know that in the world I will have trouble, but He has overcome the world. I can talk to Him in prayer and He listens and talks back. I love Him so much. His Word is final; I don't need to ask anyone else, unless He wants me to. It's taken me more than half of my life to find a best friend. I want to enjoy the other half in deep communion with Him.

My BBF is Jesus

Some years ago I spent a lot of time pleading with God to give me a best friend. I looked fervently around for one. I thought something was wrong with me because I never had one. I idolized human beings who I thought were the ones to be my bbf. In all of this I lost my way. I looked in the wrong places. I tried too hard and ended up with a broken heart. At the end of my two years in the Living Waters ministry, I asked once more with all the healing those two years brought in my heart. I was still asking! The answer was swift and settled the matter forever: Jesus IS my best friend. He has been all along. Imagine His pain as He watched me hop from one person to another, begging for a deeper relationship than that person could ever give. He had to clear away the garbage and give me a transformed life, a new way to live on the inside and the out. How sweet it is to be loved by Him, deeply, unconditionally, perfectly. Now I simply turn to Him when I'm feeling alone. He fills me up. Thank You, Jesus.

Full Circle

I recently visited my birthplace of Omaha Nebraska. I went back to see my folks and friends. It was a sweet trip because I came there victorious, an overcomer, no longer imprisioned by the wounds I carried for years. I could freely love my parents and forgive them. I took a picture of a drugstore we used to frequent to buy candy and magazines. It was boarded up, the signs were raggedy and broken, signs of long term neglect. That speaks to me of an era that has passed. I feel a twinge of sadness, but it doesn't last as I look at the now and the future God has for me. It's all good.

Living Waters Ministries

After my breakthrough, I was making slow progress to change. But there was still lingering sadness. I was very unhappy. A dark cloud was centered in my soul. I discovered that the wounds I lived with for years were festering and needed attention. God led me to a ministry called Living Waters, a ministry dedicated to the healing of sexual and relational brokenness. I was relationally broken because of the wounds I suffered early in my life. There God brought to light and gave names to those wounds and what was at the root of them. I had to fall before Him and acknowledge that I had a need I couldn't possibly meet. This acknowledgement was painful because I had to see the truth about myself and the relationships I had. I was seeking to fill my bottomless need through those relationships and it wasn't working. Before I could have healthy relationships, I needed to be healthy. The little girl locked up in a dark room inside me cried out to be free and mature. For the next two years, God took me through my ugly, broken places into the light of healing. After seeing my need, I discovered how passionately the Father was pursuing me for the ultimate in relationships, a relationship with Him that would be the foundation of all my relationships.

"If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36