One of the first things I felt that February day was an explosion of anger. All of my Christian life I thought anger was an unacceptable emotion, so I suppressed it. Well, the energy had to go somewhere and soon there was nowhere for it to go but out.
I discovered I was angry at my husband's chronic illness. I didn't want him to be weak and dependent. The illness was stealing his life, I thought. I wanted him to be strong to take care of me and keep me safe. I wanted him to be like every other husband who could take long walks and enjoy the things couples did together. I held all of that in instead of dealing with it. The consequences were devastating emotionally. After the devastationI was able to share these feelings and find validation that it was a normal state of mind for someone with a chronically ill loved one. The validation opened the way for me to find the peace of acceptance and trust.
I learned over the years following that the burdens and needs of my family are not mine to carry but God's. I didn't have to bear them and try to fix them myself. I didn't have the power, nor was it my job. Mine was to trust Him with each one of them. God will always take care of us.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:20
"Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
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