"There is no fear in love"

I love this verse. It speaks to the very core of my being. God revealed to me that my greatest fear was not having enough. I grew up in an alcoholic home where money disappeared in gambling or the drink. Because of that, we suffered financially. That's where the fear began and it became my mindset for years. I didn't trust God because I couldn't trust my earthly father to come through. Distrust and fear ruled my life, so I was anxious about money and constantly worried where it was going to come from. That lead to massive credit card debt. We didn't have enough, so we needed to get more, even if it was credit.
God has done some powerful healing and that fear is surfacing less and less these days. I know He loves me. I know He will always take care of me and my family. When I'm discouraged, I go back to the Word given to me by my Father in heaven: "...Your heavenly Father knows that you need them (food, etc.). Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things (food, shelter, clothing) will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:32-33. That is my rock. On that I stand, even if my world is crumbling around me.
Hallelujah, Amen.

It's Okay To Be Angry...God Still Loves Me

One of the first things I felt that February day was an explosion of anger. All of my Christian life I thought anger was an unacceptable emotion, so I suppressed it. Well, the energy had to go somewhere and soon there was nowhere for it to go but out.
I discovered I was angry at my husband's chronic illness. I didn't want him to be weak and dependent. The illness was stealing his life, I thought. I wanted him to be strong to take care of me and keep me safe. I wanted him to be like every other husband who could take long walks and enjoy the things couples did together. I held all of that in instead of dealing with it. The consequences were devastating emotionally. After the devastationI was able to share these feelings and find validation that it was a normal state of mind for someone with a chronically ill loved one. The validation opened the way for me to find the peace of acceptance and trust.
I learned over the years following that the burdens and needs of my family are not mine to carry but God's. I didn't have to bear them and try to fix them myself. I didn't have the power, nor was it my job. Mine was to trust Him with each one of them. God will always take care of us.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:20
"Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

One Day in Feburary

One day in February of 1995, my breakthrough to healing came. Before that day, in December of 1994, my husband Malcolm, who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis for several years, had been hospitalized for three weeks with the worst attack he'd ever had. While in the hospital he contracted blood poisoning and almost lost his life. During the hospitalization, I tried to keep my life and the lives of our three young children "normal" even though it was far from normal. I kept my tears and my pain to myself, putting on a "strong" front. But inside I was fallling apart. Malcolm was released from the hospital in early January and needed a lot of after care. I buckled down and did what I needed to do to help him. Then the day came when my emotions began to move closer to the surface, like a volcano near to eruption, until I lost all control and wanted to die. I landed in a psychiatric hospital. That was the day my real life opened up and I was able to see how wounded I was. Though what happened to me was called a "breakdown", I label it now my breakthrough into the light of healing. I had many layers to go through to find the root cause of all that lead up to this. I also had to go back to the day I was born to understand how I got to this point. These were not easy tasks, nor did they take a short amount of time. True, deep emotional healing is not a quick fix, to be sure. But now as I live out of a healthy soul, I sing God's praises and say it was worth every minute.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17.

The Father's Pursuit

In the beginning of my journey to healing, I needed to connect with God. When I trusted Christ, the eternal connection was forged. What I didn't see at the time was my heavenly Father's relentless pursuit of me until I became His child. That pursuit didn't stop the day I got saved. He pursued me for years to bring me to a place where I was ready to accept healing. He saw the burdens I carried, the pain and loneliness I lived with, and the deep sense of personal failure I held onto. Even as I prayed, sang, worshipped, and studied His word, I felt worthless. I was a good Christian. I dressed right. I said the right things. I took care of my family. I gave myself to service. I wanted with all my heart to please God. Yet, underneath all of that was a darkness and sadness so deep, I wasn't even aware they existed. I was a prisoner of my wounds. God pursued me for years until I was ready to turn to Him and face the truth of what was really going on inside of me. That was the first step to healing.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God." 1 John 3:1

The Phoenix Chronicles

The title of my blog has been taken from my first published book, The Phoenix Chronicles. It is a collection of short stories about women who are on difficult journeys and how they rise from them through the love and mercy of God. You can purchase your own copy at: www.xlibris.com/thephoenixchronicles or email me at crbrockton@comcast.net.

I hope you will feel free to add your own journey for the blessing of others.

You Are Loved

When I became a Christian over thirty years ago, I brought with me the heavy baggage of self-hatred. I accepted the fact that God loved me in an intellectual way. It wasn't until many years later that I began to believe with my heart. To this day, nothing has shaken that belief loose, not even the worst of circumstances. The words of Romans 8: "Who shall separate us (me) from the love of Christ?...I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, shall be able to separate us (me) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus." (vs. 35;38-39) Hallelujah! Sharing my journey with the world is one of my greatest pleasures because then all can see the transforming power of love and forgiveness. Praise His Name.